


Working Hypothesis

by TSylvestris



Series: Sex Pollen in Shetland [2]
Category: Shetland (TV)
Genre: Gen, Sex Pollen, what happens when two people with absolutely no sexual chemistry get a dose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-08 04:02:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14096772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TSylvestris/pseuds/TSylvestris
Summary: “It's only, the goose is canoodling with your coat, and the wildlife people said they finally had to throw tarpaulins over the seals, they were afraid they'd do themselves an injury. So it's a bit difficult to believe you're not affected.”





	Working Hypothesis

“You're _sure_ you're not feeling anything?”

“I'm really not.”

“It's only, the goose is canoodling with your coat, and the wildlife people said they finally had to throw tarpaulins over the seals, they were afraid they'd do themselves an injury. So it's a bit difficult to believe you're not affected.” The goose was nibbling tenderly on a button, but Tosh stayed well back.

“I keep telling you, I'm fine. I could do with that coffee I asked for, though.”

“Yeah, well, the bird charges when I come near the door, so you'll have to do without. Hope you don't need the cludgie. This thing's got fucking teeth.”

 

# # #

“The researchers emailed me a list of questions they want me to ask you.”

She heard Jimmy sigh heavily. “Okay. But only because my mobile battery went flat hours ago.” One main purpose of an interrogation room, Tosh was reminded, was to be boring enough to persuade suspects to talk.

“I get the impression they don't believe you're being entirely honest. Question One: How close were you and Duncan standing when the plant opened? Question Two: Did you inhale the pollen, or did it touch your skin? Question Three: Do you currently have an erection? —Oh, I wasn't supposed to ask that one. It was supposed to be direct observa—no.” She wadded the printout into a ball and tossed it at the door. The goose watched it intently.

“Why is it so hard to believe I don't want to be having relations with Duncan?”

“Because even the bats that were in the area are shagging. The wildlife people are quite excited about what that might mean for the bat population, by the way. I gather it had been declining. Also, you straightaway locked yourself in an interrogation room when you heard what the stuff does, which seems a bit suggestive.”

The goose snaked out its neck and slowly rolled the ball towards the coat.

“It was just a precaution. That wouldn't be something I wanted to have to explain to Cassie.”

The goose watched the coat expectantly. Eventually it poked the ball under a fold of cloth and waited again.

Tosh said absently, “I wonder if it's because you're already raising a chick together.”

After a moment, Jimmy said, “If you've been at the cider whilst I'm stuck in here without—”

Birds didn't sigh, did they? Tosh didn't think so, but this one was giving it a go, in her opinion. It carefully pushed more folds up against the ball, waited, then pushed up folds on the other side.

“Well, I mean, you're raising Cassie with him.”

“Tosh. I'm quite certain I wouldn't want to be having it on with Duncan even if Cassie weren't in the picture.”

“And I'm quite certain that if not for that pollen, this bird wouldn't be coming to the devastating conclusion that your coat's going to be a terrible mother, so I don't think you can be quite so sure about that.”

After a bit, Jimmy said, “Do you think you could kick a few paracetamol under the door?”

 

# # #

It fell out that DCI Scollay thought lending his bomb-disposal robot to drag DI Perez's coat out of a hallway in order to clear it of a protective Tundra Bean Goose was a fucking hilarious live-training opportunity and a fine topic for a paper: “Building Community Trust Through Wildlife Trust Collaborative Efforts,” to be presented at the next regional police conference. Tosh figured Shetland Police would be getting shit over that for years, but also that there would be plenty at the conference and afterwards who'd be happy to buy her drinks for the inside story, so silver linings and all.

And it wasn't that she _spied_ on Jimmy and Duncan, which would be creepy; it was just that, well, they did live on an island, so people saw and people talked and things got around, that was all. And she was a police officer, so she couldn't help it if she put together details and saw patterns, could she?

So it was she noticed that for a few weeks, Jimmy and Duncan met only in public and talked only about Cassie, but not with Cassie _there,_ not at first. Because Jimmy Perez, she reasoned, was a smart and precautious parent, and Duncan Hunter was widely understood to have the impulse control of a guppy.

Eventually, the wildlife people said Jimmy could have his coat back, as hatching season was over. Jimmy declined, saying the cleaning costs weren't worth it, but Tosh suspected he thought the goose might still want it around for sentimental reasons, because Jimmy was soft like that.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, geese raise goslings, not chicks, and Tosh likely knows that. But she's watching a goose attempt to hatch out a paper ball with a wool coat, so she's a little uncertain about what terminology applies.


End file.
